All’s well that ends…WELL?!

Despite our best efforts and intentions…despite all the deposits that have been made along the many miles of training…….OMW-Racing’s Operation “Shock and Awe, 2010” winds down on somewhat of a fizzled out note of “Aww, I’m shocked…”, as we shrivel away under the the searing Texas sun… Summer is here, boys. Summer is here.

Aside from later relishing in the savory delights of the refreshing swimming hole known as Hickman’s Hideout, our only reprieve came from our most dependable of riders… You guessed it, that “Crazy Rabbit” Eduardo and “Singlespeed” Stolz came through with a 1st and a 5th place finish, respectively. Not too Shabby, boys. Way to represent!

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Other possible titles for the 2010 trip out to Cold Spring include:

U can’t get there from here.

Who’s leading this expedition anyway??

Well, MY GPS says…

Wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Where’s the bridge? Has anyone seen that confounded bridge?!

What Bridge?

How many has Lance had, anyway??

Point Blank range.

Well, you get the picture.  So anyway, we need to get to our plush A-frame accommodations out on the shores of  Lake Livingston for our race in Cold Spring. Man, it sure would be great if there were a fast yet scenic route (root) which could lead  us to the promised land… Well, I happen to know these guys…and they’re fairly reliable guys… Anyway, I know these guys who swear up and down there’s a bridge that crosses that huge mutha of a lake…

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Ahhh, yes!!! the ass slap that thundered along the ridges of Warda on that fine spring day… it seemed to have startled serveral of the nearby campers. my apologies folks, but i would be remiss not to have taken full advantage of such a grandiose opportunity. please allow me to explain myself:

…as i recall it, i had just passed several folks…

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…so i’m tryin to get my hot tub running to ease my aching back after a rough OMW style training w/e…(several well paced miles outnumbered by several more tall dogs…and repeat as necessary). but what does this have to do w/ the much awaited (and delayed) conclusion to X-Bar? is this just more procrastination, you ask? patience young skywalker…patience…

so, anyway, where was i? hot tub’s broke, back feels broke…oh yeah… when lo and behold, “Black Betty” comes on over the airwaves. (one of OMW’s premier pre-race anthems. it’s a real foot stomper!) i hear the guitar licks and can’t help but get ALL KINDS OF GEEKED UP! just the right motivation to FINALLY tie up the loose ends of the X-Bar Shootout happenin’s….

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Saturday, early AM:

as is often the case, we used eddie’s place as the official OMW-racing launch pad. Timely morning departures would be all but impossible without it- what with old dan’s draggin’ ass…how can one man drag sooo much ass?!

Anyway, I wake up on the couch w/ a bad taste in my mouth and even worse feeling in my gut once i realize i didn’t hear dan’s ass drag in last night.  WTF, man! great. just GREAT!! here goes dan again, causing chaos, confusion and otherwise unneeded stress. there’s no telling what kind of debauchery he got into last night. i swear, this time i’m gonna go ahead and submit that paperwork to the OMW tribunal in order to have his nickname changed to dan “drama” hickman. that, or “draggin’ ass” hickman- i’ll leave that decision up to the board.

but i digress…  MAN, is Lance ever gonna want to kill dan!! that, or at least wrestle with him ’til he screams uncle.  *sidenote: don’t EVER challenge lance to a wrestling match after he’s had a few tall dogs! I guarantee- it WILL end ugly!!

But back to the situation at hand. no dan. this is not good. it’s about time to put out the full blown OMW APB regarding an OSD MIA, OMG! (you’re not too sure about that OSD part are you?- a man of dan’s repute can affectionately be referred to as an Old Salty Dog. you really should be doing your homework if you want to keep up with the lingo. for reference, it’s listed in the OMW handbook’s glossary, right after “Ol’ Mutha Scratcher”).

…so, 15 unanswered phone calls and several nastygrams later, still no dan…

Well, that Ol’ Mutha Scratcher! I’ll be damned if that cagey veteran didn’t sneak in right under our noses last night! just as snug as a bug in a rug all tucked away out of view in the back bedroom on the fouton mattress between the bed and the wall- just a droolin’ away and dreaming of all the tall dogs he’d be a drinkin’ both before and after today’s pre-ride. how does he dooze it?

…call off the code red, dan’s up and rarin’ to go. his eyes and his smile are both equally crooked at this point. is he cleverly masking last night’s events, or still actively feeling it’s affects? this being dan, i’d have to bet on the later… You gotta give it to him, though. this crafty ol’ codger has showed us yet again how to live by the lyrics of that country song:

“I ain’t never had too much fun.  Too much fun- what’s that mean? it’s like a girl too pretty…ain’t no such thing!”

and hell, he ain’t done having fun just yet. today is a new day. we got iced down coolers chuck full of tall dogs and a long drive to El Dorado, so why not pick up where you left off and re-start the carb loading process all over again? heck, i can’t argue, you got a good point there…

…meanwhile, ol’ leadfoot lance is steady gettin’ his groove on and the tahoe’s pickin’ up steam and rolling out toward the plateaus of the nearby hill country. keep an eye out for that little breakfast taco shack, boys! i got me a hankerin’ for some of the best breakfast taco’s this side of I-35. not to mention my bladder’s about to burst, ’cause we are some hydrating fools. what, there’s water in beer, right?!  We call this OMW hydration- look it up, it’s in the handbook too.

…ominous clouds rolling in…could we be so lucky as to have yet another mudfest out on the trails?  OH HELL YEAH! it’s POURING DOWN! i’m as chipper as a young bull that’s been put out to stud early!! heck, everything’s going so well i think i just might nix that whole submittal to the tribunal.

i guess he’ll remain dan “the man”…. for now, anyway.

…tune in next time for the dramatic conclusion of OMW’S run at the 2009 texas mountain bike state championship series (wow, that’s a mouthful). who knows, with all this mud (not to mention all these carbs gettin’ loaded) one of these mudders may even end up with a podium finish…