May

Coldspring, Tx., Race #6- 05/01/10-05/02/10: Another Left? Another Right?? OR Another Round??

Other possible titles for the 2010 trip out to Cold Spring include:

U can’t get there from here.

Who’s leading this expedition anyway??

Well, MY GPS says…

Wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Where’s the bridge? Has anyone seen that confounded bridge?!

What Bridge?

How many has Lance had, anyway??

Point Blank range.

Well, you get the picture. So anyway, we need to get to our plush A-frame accommodations out on the shores of Lake Livingston for our race in Cold Spring. Man, it sure would be great if there were a fast yet scenic route (root) which could lead us to the promised land… Well, I happen to know these guys…and they’re fairly reliable guys… Anyway, I know these guys who swear up and down there’s a bridge that crosses that huge mutha of a lake…

So, it’s Saturday morning and we’re departing in even later than usual fashion due to “Crazy Rabbit” Eduardo repeatedly running down the wrong damn rabbit hole. Trust me, when i say i know there’s many possible pitfalls to be had in our English to Spanglish translations (ESpanglations). (Example: “No Claudia, I said Peanuts not Penis…”)

Call me crazy, but how you end up on 2222 and then 6th street when you’re looking for MLK would certainly seem beyond a simple translation issue…I mean, we’re talking NUMBERS verses LETTERS here, aren’t we??

But I digress…

So, we’ve gotten off to a bit of a late start, but it’s nothing that a little peddle mashing won’t fix, right? Well, maybe if you know where the hell you’re going… are we supposed to take 290 or 71?… YES!?!…well, there’s obviously dissension in the ranks, as an embattled convo similiar to “Who’s on first?” ensues when somebody in another vehicle dares question Lance’s navigational aptitude in regards to taking 290… I’ll say this, he may not always know where he’s going, but he’s sure in a hurry to get there… So a couple highly inefficient stops, ”ooops, turn around” and other misc. wrong turns later, and we find ourselves with Lance again leading the caravan with his typical “I’m getting there in a hurry” mentality….followed shortly thereafter by an impromptu screeching pull over and a “Who the hell is leading this thing, anyway?”…U just gotta love Tom’s style as he seizes the day and non-verbally establishes his leadership role as he Squawks out a sharper U turn than you would think a mini-van is capable of, all the while his GPS is smoking amid all the abrupt starts, stops, 270 degree turns and whatnot…alarming beeps and blurbs… F’ing GPS’s…Carpe Diem, Tom. Carpe Diem. F that F’ing bridge, we’re going to Cold Spring before this day is done!! Man, that mini-van really handles- that thing corners like it’s on rails…Step on it, y’all! He’s gittin’ away!!

I’ll let someone else fill in any blanks that I’ve left out of the story (Wayne, you Ol’ Mutha Scratcher, you!), as I’ve only got time to spin one more yarn here and I’ve just gotta tell it- I feel as though I owe it to the readers…Yep, you guessed it- another Lance crash!!…Seems like it wouldn’t be a real race weekend without one. So forgive me as i fast forward the action to our pre-ride activities:

Lance has already been chirping about wanting to do a second lap, which Dan and I quickly squash with a harmonious “I’m only doing one lap, nice and easy…but you’re more than welcome to seconds, young buck” . Lance is NOT very happy with us. What the heck’s he been taking, anyway?!

So, here we are on a nice peaceful team pre-ride through the SMRCFNA. Nice and peaceful except that Lance is all amp’ed up and running up my backside. He is NOT satisfied with this pace. Not in the least. All i can hear from behind me, aside from his tire rubbing mine, is “Oh, come Onnnnnn!!!!”….”Really!?”…. and then, there it is….we all knew it was coming…he gets out a “Yaaaaa MULE!”.

Oh, hell…Yaaaa Mule strikes again…promptly followed by the sounds of Lance’s bike sliding out and his front wheel crumpling like that first post ride 16 ounce can being thrown down…with FEELING!! Now, Lance crushes a lot. We all know this…but, it’s usually a good thing when Lance CRUSHES. Well, not so much this time…to quote Lee Corso, “Not so fast my friend!!”

Although he was behind me, I imagine it went down like something akin to a slow motion crash test dummy video, complete with a close-up of Lance subsequently being interrupted mid-”Yaaa Mule” with an “Ohhhhh @#$$ !!, as he yet again forgot that it is best to ride with the rubber side down…

Let that be a lesson to you kids…as OMW would hate to foster any bad form in the youths of today…riding form or otherwise. Right Lance?

BTW, er’ybody wants to know- were there any “Pretty ‘lil cables” sightings out on the race course? Perhaps Dan will be kind enough to bless us with a race results update. Dan?

Another great weekend of MTB Racing in the great state of Texas!! OMW-racing puts 7 on the line and comes away with one podium, 2 top 5′s, and 2 more in the top 10!! Eduardo brings home 3rd, Lance and Tom both nail down 5th places, Shannon gets 6th, Dan 8th, Josh 12th, and Maguire finishes, i mean he actually finished the race and got 35th. Almost in the points DasBoot!! Keep up the good work. And great jobs guys!! 2 more races to go for the TMBRA Texas State Championship Overall placings.