ColdSpring, TX

Part Deux…(are we there yet????)

Well, i have no idea how, but Leadfoot Lance and Dan have somehow manage to navigate via intiution/luck. i wouldn’t doubt that there was more than one coin flip involved. heck we even got to cross the much anticipated lake livingston bridge (for all you led zeppelin fans, we were driving to the theme: “has anyone seen the bridge??…now where’s that confounded bridge?!!”).

,,,later, back at the A-frame: we encounter many an unexpected pleasures, not the least of which is the impromptu live music stylings of the “Kum Ba Yah” Camp Fire Club representing Point Blank Local #190… That ole mutha scratcher Wayne has graciously opened up his nearby store/live bait shop so dan can restock his dwindling BUD LIGHT supplies and continue properly carb loading w/ his strict liquid diet (as if the first case wasn’t enough!). Lance and I, being mere mortals, partake in fresh skillet prep’d breakfast tacos before fully carb-loaded slumber ensues and smile filled dreams of calling out “on your left… coming through…OMW bitches!!” all the while putting the hammer down against our race brethren.

…it’s dark-thirty in the morning the day of the race. our pedal mashing filled dreams are cut short as just like the Garth Brooks song-the thunder rolls and the lightning strikes- and the DELUGE commences! i begin to wonder if the A-frame will be washed into the lake by this onslaught of water. it takes something akin to an act of God to get dan’s creaky ol’ bag’o’bones outta bed (that and lance pounding on the ceiling w/ the broom handle). maybe today is the day that we find out if it’s possible for dan to have done too much liquid diet carb loading… Load up the Tahoe and let’s go play in some slop, boys! PIG SUEYYYY!! oh, and don’t forget to drag dan along- that surly ol’ mutha scratcher!

It’s raining so hard we can’t even see the road- but Ole Leadfoot’ll get us there, right?! oh what the heck, i’ll just cross my fingers anyway…

…it’s race time for dan and i. let’s double check the pre-race check list:

-liquid diet carb loaded ……………………………………………… check
-hit the overused porta jon …………………………………………. check
-nerves calmed/mind right via the doctor’s prescription ….. check
-healthy dose of zipfizz …………………………………………….. check
-mind/body/soul stimulated by rockin’ out to “Black Betty”… check
-aforementioned “Black Betty” goes to “eleven” ………………. check
-hit the overused porta jon (again)………………………………… check
-proper respects given to the GOLD DIGGER GIRLS ………….. check

-wiped drool from chin and averted unwanted stare from GOLD DIGGER GIRLS…

…oh yeah, we gotta race here…those gold diggers make it hard to concentrate!

dan and i are into our second lap when the rain starts in again, but it’s light enough that it can barely get through the thick canopy of the S.M.R.C.F. Unknowingly, dan and i are simultaneously praying for the skies to open up and give us even more slop to play in. we’re mudders you see… and our mudders were mudders, too.
Prayers answered and dreams are coming true… PIG SUEYYYY!!… let’s rock this slop… on your left… comin’ through… u betta git up out tha way… OMW bitches!

Third lap… we can smell the blood in the water… da-dant. da-dant. da-dant… reelin’ ‘em in and passin’ ‘em up to the Mellencamp song in my head: “hurt so good… sometimes mud don’t feel like it should… you make it hurt so good!”

… ’cause that’s how we dooooze it!

OOOOOOOOOOHHHH SKEEET SKEEET MFer!!!
OOOOOOOOOOHHHH SKEEET SKEEET GD!!!

Finish strong… Git on that line!!!

… and in related news, later that day lance’s foray into multi-lap racing was thwarted and cut back down to the “kiddie loop” due to trail conditions. apparently beginners are not known as mudders… Cat. III/Beginners get the shaft again.

WARNING: Kiddies and parents alike, make sure all children have there protective pink ribbons properly displayed or Lance can and will mistake them for his competition and leave them as tire track ridden trail side carnage. Things can get ugly in a hurry on the “kiddie loop”!!

Can you say “Cat. up?!”

Next up- the rocky trails of El Dorado, TX. Maybe we should start carb loading now, eh? OMW, bitches!
…that’s how we dooooze it! OOOOOOOOOOHHHH SKEEET SKEEET…

…but first- does anybody know the way home?! i’ll just cross my fingers…